Did you know that FEAR and EXCITEMENT are the same thing?
More specifically, our bodies experience both feelings the same way. The brain doesn’t distinguish between a good scare (excitement) and a bad scare (fear); it triggers the same physical reactions for any scare.
The only difference between fear and excitement is the expected outcome.
Fear = worrying about or anticipating something bad
Excitement = worrying about or anticipating something good
Consider this example: You walk into a dark house and see a man with a knife. Your body’s scare response kicks in. If it’s your house and it’s a stranger, you’ll feel fear. If it’s a haunted house and you know it’s an actor, you’ll likely feel excitement.
Knowing this, how might you reframe fear so it no longer keeps you from taking potentially rewarding chances?
Instead of not raising your prices out of fear of rejection (a bad outcome), could you instead focus on the excitement of having them accepted (a good outcome)? Instead of not sharing your truth out of fear of judgment, could you instead focus on the excitement of receiving praise?
In most scenarios where we choose inaction because of fear, it’s because we are anticipating a negative outcome. If we can challenge ourselves to instead think of a potential positive outcome, we can shift from fear to excitement.
This work takes time and repetition. The more we force ourselves to do it, however, the easier it becomes. That’s because we’re likely to experience more positive outcomes by taking more chances, and be able to anticipate those rather than the unknown negative.
There was an interesting conversation this week inside my membership community, and I’m sharing because I think it’s a great lesson about how to become an industry expert and business leader.
A member shared this TED talk from a stylist who talks about dressing for confidence. Another member saw it and was upset for a reason I wouldn’t have expected.
Her response: “It bothers me that I frequently see articles go viral that are the things I talk about on an everyday basis. …. Seeing other people succeed at being so much like me is a little depressing at the moment. I feel like Monica in that episode of Friends where that girl steals her identity and lives her life better than she does.”
She went on to ask how someone does such a thing, identifying a topic, embracing it, marketing it, becoming known for it.
First, I am so honored that members of my community feel safe enough to express such real, raw, vulnerable feelings. I love that they know they won’t be judged and instead will be embraced and given positive feedback. That’s magical.
Second, this person’s experience is so incredibly common. So many of us are sitting on life’s sidelines and (with bitterness, anger, resentment, disappointment, sadness) saying, “How do I get in the game?” I’ve been there, too.
My response is equally simple and difficult: Just do it.
What I said to that member of my community: “You can’t think something or wish something but not do something and then be surprised when no one knows you can do that thing. If you have something to say, then say it.”
The woman in this TED talk probably started talking about this topic among friends or on her Facebook page, then turned it into a blog, then shared it on podcasts and local media, then turned it into a signature speech that she gave at local and then larger events, and finally applied to TED.
The takeaway? She honed the message until it was undeniable and then shared it relentlessly. That is how you become an industry expert. It’s also how you grow a successful business.
Success = Being Undeniable + Being Relentless
Of course, I recognize that’s easier to say than do. It takes clarity and confidence. It means honing your craft or message over time, making hard cuts and tweaking over and over until it’s undeniable. It means being persistent even when times get hard and you feel like giving up. This is the hard part.
So, the woman in the TED talk was successful because she did it. More importantly, she was successful because she believed in herself and believed she could be successful.
My member went on to ask about the mechanics of the process (ie, how doing a TED talk equals money and how to go from idea to undeniable). First, this woman is a stylist so that’s how she makes money; the talking, I’m sure, serves to increase her following and potential client base (or, maybe, to lead into something like selling a book). Second, it’s not just “build it and they will come.” More than just writing a blog post, you have to share it everywhere, ask others to share it, pitch yourself to podcasts and media and for speaking opportunities. You have to work hard for a long time.
Again, it’s like running a business. You can just put up a website and wait for clients to find you. You have to network, share content (provide value), do discovery calls or pitch yourself, ask for referrals, and never give up. Over and over and over again. Undeniable + relentless…
If you’re still stuck on the sidelines and not sure how to move from wishing to doing, let me offer a few resources to help you get going.
First, that’s what I do for my clients so hiring a coach is a great idea if you’re ready to really invest in yourself. If you can’t yet pay hundreds of dollars for help and want to DIY your mindset makeover, here are a few books I recommend*:
- “Mindset” by Carol Dweck … Learn the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset, and why the latter is so darn important. This may be an eye-opening book that helps you begin to see why your upbringing and life experiences are making it difficult for you to dream and do bigger.
- “The Big Leap” by Gay Hendricks … Want to dig even deeper into why you’re stuck? This book will help you clearly make the association between your past and where you are today. And once you can recognize those patterns, you can begin to change them. I can’t stress enough how transformative this book can be and has been for so many of my clients (and for myself).
- “Braving the Wilderness” by Brené Brown … I adore every word Brené has ever written. I think this book is especially helpful for people who feel like they are too “different” or aren’t “enough” to ever be wildly successful. I don’t know how anyone can read the included story about Viola Davis and not be forever changed.
- “Expectation Hangover” by Christine Hassler … If you tend to get caught up in a cycle of big hopes and giant disappointments, then do yourself the favor of reading this book. It has lots of great exercises to help you understand the roots of your wish-defeat cycle and how to begin to dismantle it so you can let go of outcomes and finally feel joy in the moment.
- “Building a StoryBrand” by Donald Miller … If your problem isn’t so much mindset but just figuring out how to craft an undeniable message, then this is the book for you. The step-by-step guide for making your story compelling has been revolutionary for my business.
I hope this inspires you to be undeniable and relentless so you can become an industry expert and business leader. I know you can do it!
* This post contains affiliate links. If you use them, I’ll receive a small reward but the cost is the same to you either way.