How to Ask for a Raise Without Feeling Like a Bitch
(especially if you’ve been taught to be “nice”)
If you’re a woman who’s ever googled “how to ask for a raise as a woman,” then I already know one thing about you: You’re likely working your ass off and getting paid less than you deserve.
And you’ve probably also been conditioned to be “nice,” agreeable, and never make waves—so the thought of asking for more money at work? Terrifying.
You worry about being seen as ungrateful or “too much.” You don’t want to come across as pushy. You want to be taken seriously, but not labeled difficult or aggressive. (It’s exhausting, right?)
Meanwhile, men are confidently walking into their boss’s office saying, “I want more money,” and walking out with a raise. No angst. No inner spiral. Just facts and follow-through.
So let’s talk about how to ask for a raise when you are underpaid—in a way that’s effective, grounded in your values, and actually gets results.
1. Start With Evidence, Not Emotion
It’s tempting to say, “I feel like I should be making more.” But the truth is, feelings alone don’t get raises—facts do.
Before you even think about hitting “send” on that how to ask for a raise at work via email draft or walking into your manager’s office, gather your data:
• What are others in your field making?
• What impact have you had in your role (quantify it when possible)?
• Have you taken on responsibilities outside your job description?
This isn’t about proving your worth (you’re already worthy). It’s about backing up your ask with the kind of information that makes it really hard to say no.
2. Ask With Confidence—and a Period, Not a Question Mark
Whether you’re wondering how to ask for a raise in writing or face-to-face, the delivery matters.
Avoid:
“I was wondering if maybe a raise might be possible? Only if it’s okay?”
Try:
“Given my contributions over the last year—leading [X project], saving the company [X hours/dollars], and mentoring new team members—I believe a salary adjustment to [$X] is appropriate and would like to discuss that.”
That’s not arrogance. That’s clarity. And it’s deeply feminist to advocate for yourself, especially in a system that benefits from your silence.
3. Send the Email If That’s What Feels Best
If the idea of saying it out loud makes you want to crawl into a hole, know that asking in writing is completely valid. In fact, learning how to ask for a raise at work via email can be a smart move—especially if it gives you the time and space to craft your message with intention.
Here’s a quick template:
Subject: Compensation Adjustment Conversation
Hi [Manager’s Name],
I’d love to set up a time to talk about my compensation. Over the past [timeframe], I’ve taken on [specific projects/achievements], and I believe my contributions warrant a raise. I’d like to discuss adjusting my salary to reflect the value I bring to the team.
Please let me know a good time to connect.
Thanks,
[Your Name]
Short, clear, and to the point. You don’t need to over-explain or justify.
4. If You Get No Response, Don’t Panic—Follow Up
Ever been in the “I asked for a raise and got no response” limbo? You’re not alone. Here’s what to do if your manager ghosts you:
• Wait about a week.
• Send a polite (but firm) follow-up:
“Hi [Manager], just circling back on my earlier request to discuss a compensation adjustment. Please let me know if we can get a meeting on the calendar.”
You’re not being annoying. You’re being professional. Following up isn’t nagging—it’s persistence. And it’s okay to expect a response when you’re talking about your livelihood.
5. If You Hear “Not Now,” Ask What Needs to Change
If you’ve already had the conversation and now you’re asking yourself “I asked for a raise—how long should I wait?”, the answer depends on the company. But more importantly: don’t just accept a vague “maybe later.”
Instead, ask:
• “What goals do I need to hit to be considered for a raise?”
• “Can we set a time to revisit this conversation?”
• “What would need to be different on the company’s end for a raise to be possible?”
This shows that you’re serious—and puts the ball in their court.
6. Remember: You’re Not Asking for a Favor
You’re not asking your boss to do you a solid. You’re not begging for scraps. You’re not being greedy. You’re naming your value.
Knowing how to ask for more money at work is a skill—and a deeply radical act in a world that underpays women and femmes by design.
You’re not too sensitive. You’re not overreacting. And you’re certainly not being a bitch. You’re being bold. You’re being fair. You’re being your own damn advocate.
TL;DR: Here’s How to Ask for a Raise as a Woman
• Know your numbers. Come with receipts.
• Lead with your impact, not how grateful you are to have a job.
• Be clear and confident—whether it’s in person or in writing.
• Follow up if you don’t get a response.
• If the answer is “not now,” ask what needs to happen for it to be “yes.”
• Don’t wait to be tapped—advocate for yourself, even if it feels scary.
Because the system isn’t designed to hand you more money. But you absolutely deserve to go get it anyway.
You’ve got this.
Ready to go deeper?
Check out my online course, Ask For What You Want (& Get It) for just $49. In 14 bite-sized lessons, you’ll learn how to:
• Envision a better life that actually works for you
• Identify the kinds of asks that could help make it real
• Get practical and mindset strategies to confidently make those asks
• Use 40+ plug-and-play scripts to make your next request way easier
If you’re done letting fear or guilt keep you small, this course is for you.